


Nicotine and Casual Affairs

by dontlietomehoney



Category: Marianas Trench
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 02:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontlietomehoney/pseuds/dontlietomehoney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt can't take it anymore, the way that Josh gets into his lungs like nicotine and drags him back into this empty string of casual affairs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nicotine and Casual Affairs

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by songs 'Nicotine' and 'Casual Affairs' by Panic! At the Disco. Mentions of past sexual moments.

_Just one more time_ , he tells himself. _Just this one more time and then we’re through._

But Matt knows it won’t be. He knows it’s like fucking nicotine. Worse. Every look every touch every kiss every word is like nicotine. Drawing him in. Keeping him there when he doesn’t want it anymore.

It’s a goddamn drag.

But Josh won’t stop. Keeps coming back and taking more and more. And Matt is left so empty keeping this secret casual affair.

He needs it though, Josh. The way the singer makes him feel, Matt would take any moment he could get pressed against him. Lips pushing hard on his own, the slide of a warm hand along his skin, breath against his neck as his legs are spread wide and Josh moves even closer. The tight burn, fingers bruising his hips, and the gasp of breath as Josh finally sends him over the edge.

He needs it like nicotine burning through his lungs.

And it’s a fucking drag.

*          *          *

Matt tensed when he felt the arm snake around his waist after the show. Josh. It was always Josh. And he could already feel the radiative heat pressing against his back as the singer moved closer. So fucking close.

“What are you doing?” Matt spoke, his voice even despite the jump in his chest as his heart beat faster.

Lips brushed up the side of his neck, making the guitarist shiver.

“You looked really good tonight,” Josh whispered.

Matt spoke before he could stop himself, “No.”

“What?” The soft touch of lips that had trailed down to his shoulder pulled back.

“You can’t keep doing this,” the guitarist admitted. “You can’t keep fucking doing this to me.”

Josh spun the younger man around, “Hey, what are you talking about?”

Matt scoffed, pushing his palms against Josh’s chest just to keep a little distance. He needed distance or else he might just give in. This was an addiction after all. But the nicotine was already seeping into his blood stream. The instant he had put his hands on the singer, he could feel the burn, the smoke in his lungs.

Looking up only made it worse. Pulled him in deeper.

Josh’s eyes were creased with worry, or at least what Matt tried to convince himself was worry. He knew damn well that after Josh got what he wanted, he would be gone again. And Matt would only want more. There was a shine of sweat to Josh’s skin too; his chest pale and smooth where the shirt he wore had unbuttoned during the concert. The sight only brought back every memory of Josh’s skin sliding against his own, every memory of being filled only to be left empty in the end.

“You don’t get it, do you?” He finally asked.

The older man just smiled, tried to move closer. “Why don’t you explain it to me?”

Matt was so close to giving in, to just saying yes…

“What have you got to lose Matt?” Josh hummed softly, his voice uncharacteristically deep.

And that was it, wasn’t it? Matt actually was losing something. He was losing everything of himself. Giving everything to Josh when the singer simply threw it away on this string of supposed one night stands that never seemed to end.

Matt used all of his strength to push Josh back completely, turning away from the singer to collect his keys and bag so he could head out for the night. They were only doing local shows anyways. He could take the transit home. Josh’s fingers wrapped around his arm though, those slender fingers that had made him fall apart in so many ways were doing it again with a simple touch. Matt stopped.

“Where are you going?” Josh asked.

Matt kept his gaze on the floor as he let out a mumbled, “Home.”

“What about this?” Josh asked as he pulled the guitarist back in. “I know you need it. I need it too.”

“Stop it,” Matt bit out harshly, not moving a single muscle but to speak. “Just fucking stop it…please.”

“Matt…” Josh let his grip on the younger man’s arm fall away to stand in front of him.

He was just sending more of that smoke down Matt’s throat.

“Talk to me.”

“I need it so fucking bad,” Matt whispered.

But he hadn’t meant to say that. He hadn’t meant to say that at all.

Josh smirked, “Then why aren’t you letting me give it to you?”

And Matt couldn’t hold it back anymore. He whirled around to face the singer full on.

“Because I love you damn it!”

Josh’s eyes went wide, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.

But Matt just kept going. “I love you and you fucking use me! You told me from the start that it would never happen again, that it didn’t mean anything. You were drunk. You just need to get off just this once. It didn’t matter because we were friends. Not to tell anyone.”

The singer just stared on in silence as Matt got angrier.

“You made me fucking love you and then you never gave me anything in return. I’ve been dying for you to just give me something back, anything. But you just take. You could never love me back Josh. And I can fucking taste you. I can feel you on my lips, my skin, inside me. Everywhere, all the time, and I can’t fucking get rid of you! It’s killing me Josh. Can’t you see that?”

“Matt…I…”

“No,” the younger man interrupted. “You told me it meant nothing, but you keep coming back for more. Taking more. Leaving me with nothing. I’m going numb Josh. I’m fucking numb because of you.”

“Matt I never meant to hurt you,” the older man tried.

Matt scoffed, gripping the handle of his duffel tighter in his hand. “Fuck you,” he breathed out on a whisper.

Josh reached out for him again, shocked by the younger man’s words over and over, but Matt was done. He had had enough. Shaking off the singer’s hand for the last time that night, he brushed passed him, slamming through the door and rushing down the hallway.

He was gone.

And for once, it was Josh who was left empty.


End file.
